it must be love.

[sigh]

so i've been struggling lately with little angus bean, struggling because, for several weeks, i've hated him. absolutely and completely despised the poor little bits. he's adorable, he's smart, he's affectionate, he reminds me of the boy who, after all, found the bean for me. and helped promote his nickname. bean is bean because of him. so every time i look at the poor dog, i seethe. this is not good for a healthy relationship. at all.

over the weekend, the pups and i drove out to melina's for a visit. i confessed my dirty little secret: i hate the dog. i can't bear to look at him. he's evil. 'well,' m. said, 'my sister is coming to visit next week. when she leaves, she can take bean back with her.' sister sam volunteers at a fabulous, totally cool animal shelter back in the tundra. the shelter was porter's first home. they work hard to find animals homes. they take animals in from high-kill shelters. they play, they frolick. it's not a bad place to be if you're a dog or a cat who needs love and a home.

perfect, you might be saying. 'wow, lynda must be so incredibly relieved. an option! a good option so she doesn't have to look at that poor dog every day!'

err...not really. once i was presented with an option, a viable option, i was horrified that somewhere in the back of my mind i'd ever considered really getting rid of the bean. he's my baby. he's a good dog. he was abandoned once (in a ditch, as a teeny puppy, collar on, sealed bag of dog food). take him to a shelter and abandon him again? i couldn't do it. it's not his fault. 

so. the game of patience began again. we're going on more walks. we're playing more fetch. we're scratching bellies. we're annoying zoe and mitzy. 

naomi and i even got uber ridiculous. 'imagine women who are raped during wartime and become pregnant,' she said. 'think of people who go through terrible divorces and have to raise their children alone, children who look like him!' in our ridiculousness (yes, we know, it was ridiculous) it became even more clear. bean is a dog. he's adorable. i took on the responsibility. and when he looks at me, he isn't saying 'you jezebel! you already-wrecked-home-homewrecker! harlot!'

at least i don't think he is.